Miscarriage, is lonelier.
Post-miscarriage, is the loneliest.
I have a husband. But he aint there for me. Physically, yes he follows me to all appts. But he dont really pay attention to wadeva the doc says. Confront him abt his "bocap" demeanour, pointless. Hes gonna be defensive. He said, he was waiting for me to talk abt it. coz i was sad. MY FOOT. I cant help myself when tears ran down my cheeks when i had to do the blood test. The nurse asked me wads wrong. Strangers are more concerned k! The 1st thing he did when we got home, was watch some food plcs video & look thru his work schedule. Not one time husband asked if i was ok, or address my sadness, not even a god damned hug!
Pathetic la ur life ca.
No one is "My Person". Sad truth.
All i hear from Dr Liu's mouth today is, im gonna be Childless-Not-By-Choice. Unless if ive thousands of $$ to burn for IVF + some dna thingy, to select only the good embroyos. Even IVF route doesnt gurantee a successful live birth. This is my 4th miscarriage. Even the doc honestly said she duno wad went wrong for this pregnancy. All in all, simply put it as im gonna be a Forever-Childless-Mother. Suddenly i didnt feel a single thing for today's blood test (for diabetes).
I always try to be better evry new day. Husnuzon.
But, i srsly duno how i can do jz that. Im forever gonna be pregnancy-jealous person. Im forever gonna be a bitter ass. Im always gonna be hating on pple who bitch & whine abt being preggy, or having kids.
Hais. God played me good. Get my hopes all up high, to jz "loan" a bby to me for a mth or lesser. While all these hormone meds fucking up my skin, my physique, my perspective of life & questioning the purpose of my whole entire existence.
Now what?
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